While I’m extremely stoked to have lost 40 lbs since February and ~20 of those since the last post in April, I’m finding my forward thrust lacking now. I need to refocus somehow and energize myself to do more and not slip back to my old shitty ways.

There’s been a lot going on lately, work has been kind of ass and it’s mostly due to me being super lazy and unmotivated here.. i wish i could find my stride at work. Everyday i feel like i just go in, grind it out and leave, and lately i don’t even grind it out. I just go in, find myself waiting for the day to end so i can do something else with my time. A very bad place to be.

On the upside, I’ve made some huge positive strides in my life for self discovery. Expanding my horizons and taking leaps here and there is pretty exciting, but for some reason i’m not satisified. Something doesn’t feel right, it never does :/

I look better, I feel better but something isn’t sitting well with me. I just feel like I’m going through the motions and I’m not 100% invested. I’m hoping this is just a phase and that I’m still adjusting to my new take on life. I’ll take the compliments and the rewards as they come i suppose and hope that any fiery damage i leave behind will not be irreparable. I’m hoping in the worst case that it’s at least salvageable with time.

Oh Disaster, how I secretly love thee.

Don’t get me wrong, as usual I’m confusing and vague as hell on here.. but I am having a blast. As proof to you, Blog, here is a picture that marks the 3rd Day (a friday) of a 6 day long bender that just kind of happened.. Glad I’m 27 and my liver has not told me to fuck off yet.

In the drunken zone with Kayla, Ray, Jack and Guillermo Mash

That’s right, drunk me is now an official alter-ego in preparation for Cannon Beach this summer. Carlos Banger, Guillermo Mash, Enrique Shepherd and Alejandro Pie are going to tear shit down.. respectfully of course.

Does anybody else get it?

Okay i posted this on the blog within the program I joined to keep track of my progress. If I’m gonna write, might as well double up and post here =D

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Going to keep track of my progress through the program here and hopefully see the change throughout the program. So this past February I was 266lbs and started a routine for myself which was basically just getting myself to the gym or doing some physical activity at least 4 times a week, pretty much ignoring nutrition haha. Once that was done and I was used to exercising regularly, I increased it to about 5 times a week and started to work on making healthier choices for my meals which has worked well for me. Before I made the change in my diet, I wasn’t seeing much weight loss, just some energy improvements and the real noticeable change was when I started to work on what I ate. I’ve lost about 20lbs since February and now am ready to get my nutrition/exercise schedule on track with help from 20/20. I knew I was doing some things correctly but I feel that if this is going to be a lifestyle change, I might as well get as much info as I can and do it properly. So, I asked around and joined 20/20 to boost my efforts and get under control what I find the hardest thing to nail down: the diet.

Alright so yesterday (2010/04/14) I had my first training session with Dustin Reiber and we went over my goals which I think are reachable. I feel good about them and I think I can make all if not most of them within the next 3-6 months. The exercise part of it wasn’t too long because of the administrative stuff we did, but afterwards I attended his Abs class and now I have another personal goal: Complete Dustin’s Abs class and keep pace. I stayed for the majority of the class because I came in a little late, but found it hard to do the exercises at the pace everyone else was doing them. A few of the sets I needed a break or 2 in between to rest but I don’t think it was a horrible first effort. If you’re looking for new ways to mess with your abs, his class is awesome.

Super psyched for the coming week, and for the nutrition portion of this program to start. I like my regular foods but I am definitely looking forward to not having to pre-plan my meals for the day.. even at the cost of possiblity feeling irritable w/ a dash of headache.

Current weight: 246lbs; Goal 1: 220lbs. On my mark. Ready? Bang! Go!

Been busy this new 2010.. busy and working and reading. I will post my reso’s soon, but I just haven’ found the time between MPF, reading and work. Anyway, I’m totally psyched because I will finally be doing something fun in this freakin’ city tomorrow. Since I’ve moved here, I’ve yet to find something here I’ve wanted to do that wasn’t done already in Vancouver that I could compare to.

Hikki is here and I’m totally going to secretly marry her. Can’t w82b8.. 2l8.

I’ve been watching How I Met Your Mother like a crack feen lately. I recommend it if you haven’t seen it. Anyway, the legen-wait for it.. dary, NPH is on this show which brought me back to this web thing that I’ve been hearing about for the last couple months. There was this web “show” called Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog and honestly, I had tried to watch it before (it’s a 3 parter..) and I never made it past the first few minutes of act 1. Today I did, and ended up finishing the series which lasts a total of, I don’t know, 30 minutes maybe?

Worth it.
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I sometimes wish I lived downtown in a cool apartment where I could practice the art of Creepskeeting.. then I remember I randomly blow money.. on everything.

I am going to draw again following suit with Andy and his draw mania.

Lastly.. i’m at work and I don’t have time for this, or anything for that matter it seems. Youuuuuuu sonvabeetch

Okay, so the aforementioned book i paid for, but then couldn’t listen to immediately was by “Gordy Lachance.”

Eight or nine some-odd hours later having this on whilst i did my house-ly chores and in the short lulls at work, I listened to 10 minute tracks, batched into chapters of some IRL lolling but mostly just relating goodness. I vaguely remember sitting back home in Surrey and watching Stand By Me back in 2002 or so after catching it on TV during one of the many 10min/2hr breaks I took to relieve stress from cramming for tests. Ahh, how I don’t miss those days. It was then that I *really* realized that Gordy was actually Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: TNG.. i mean, i’d known before but it just never clicked. Being the total geek I am, I searched for web presence and I found WWdN. I remember reading it and totally relating to his shitrials and tribulashits with my own and also having an internet boner for his writing style which I felt was similar to mine.. which was really me trying to be cool like Rain Noe.

I read his stuff for the good part of that year until I got bored and sick of what seemed like just bitching and complaining. I thought I could see where he was coming from, but it always felt like everything he wrote came with such a giant chip on his shoulder and it was all I could do to not fall into that hate-gap with him. I had my own shit to deal with, and though it was cool to hear he was having shit too, it got tiresome to hear him weblog about the shitty end of his stick. I take that back, I didn’t get “tired” it was probably more that I interpreted it like he was taking short internet jabs back at these people who were treating him like shit. So, I stopped.

It wasn’t again till this year where I searched out his site again and found that the books he’d written had been translated into audio in a very easily accessible format that I could multitask with other shit I had to do. I always wanted to read it because I felt i could relate, but was afraid to read hours of what i thought would be pettyish “eat that $asshole.” I’m happy to say that I finished his book in nearly single sitting and am more glad to be proven wrong. It’s different hearing the emphasis he puts to the words so I could put the sarcasm in the right spot.. it doesn’t change the fact that some of the parts i thought he was acting like a dick, but hey, who hasn’t been.

Overall I liked the book a lot and it basically chronicles his life and the lies he told himself that brought him from Stand By Me’s Gordy to TNG’s Wesley back to an IRL Gordy all the while dealing with the blurred line between Wheaton and the characters he’s played. Those “lies” I think are something we all tell ourselves at one time or another so you can easily relate, and it’s totally cool to see his transformation over the 2-4 year span and get a glimpse of what the TNG cast was like. Note: I always thought Frakes and Stewart would be star trek jerks, but it’s cool to read that they’re not.

Anyway, I recommend the book.. but only if you’re into this kind of stuff: If you’ve been angsty, felt incredibly bitter about life and convinced yourself time and time again to stick it out and go for it.. this is a book for you. If you’ve read the blog and think some of his remarks are snide or petty.. this was a nice surprise and might change your mind.

If you hate Star Trek: TNG.. this is not the book for you. If you dislike optimism and that burning, squinting eye feeling when you get totally into a book and read for 5 hours straight.. this book is not for you. If you just suffer from the latter, the audiobook may be for you.

Edit:

At any rate, i was promptly emailed half a day later and the link problem is fixed. I now have my legit copy of the book.

So I found an urge to read a book recently. With the incredibly uncontrollable “wann-it-nao” feelings pulsing through me, i settled for an audiobook version which i was originally going to just find online somewhere and download, because you know, the innernets is crazy like that. Then after some research (random clicking) i found that the author had put the book up out of his own pocket and was not enforcing it with DRM. My heart went a-flutter and i decided i’d give him his money for his morals in exchange for some of mine.. which is incredibly rare when it comes to anything of this nature. The website took my monies and the download was not available due to some shoddy programming.

So, annoyed, i sent an email but don’t expect a response anytime soon (read: NAO.) Needless to say, 2 mins later i find myself downloading a copy of it somewhere else for free this time.. but feel somewhat guilty.. but not really since i shelled out cash for it with the receipt number still in my legacy OS’s clipboard due to the aforementioned email. Is this a crime to steal something that is digitally delivered without drm even though i paid for it? I sort of feel like a thiefy internet Robin Hood.. stealing from the thieves to give to myself.

Ah well, I’m already doing it and i’ll justifying it by saying that I paid for it, but am picking it up at a different location.. much like buying online at bestbuy and picking it up elsewhere.. yeah. That’s eggsactly the same.

So, I’m an addict.

I hate to stay up late and be incredibly tired, yet i do it. I’m doing it right now as we speak, but this last couple months has been so incredibly ridiculous i don’t know what to do. The usual folks who keep me stable aren’t readily available to keep my mind from wandering and my impulses from firing.
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So I’ve bought myself yet another new toy.. a new more portable toy. Though the x200 is not nearly as sensitive as my mega cintiq, this one is awesome because i can work on it anywhere. The only huge pain in the ass is that the default Lenovo drivers didn’t support pressure sensitivity in non-windows applications which left my photoshop gibbled and i might as well have just used paint for everything. Luckily I found wacom’s hidden asshole drivers that finally worked. The ones that are “posted” on their site didn’t work.. i can only hope the ones i have aren’t some insane beta ones that will rape my new toy.

*snap… snap.. snap*

“Start spreaadin the neewwws, i’m leavin.. todaaaay! I’m gonna make a brand new start of it — in oolld new yooorrrk!” – Buble

As I’ve been saying for the last week or so, “Triangles are the stupidest shape.” Ugh

I’ve been involved in a few of these geometric wonders in my past years and it’s a pain in the ass. I’m a firm believer in the circle. That’s a shape I can get down with. They’re perfect for birthday occasions where you sit in one of these modern marvels and everyone can talk to each other and nobody feels like they’re left out unlike these unruly shapes like square or rectangle. There’s always going to be a side or corner that will feel ostracized from the group.
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