Getting out of my head
I know I’ve been extremely quiet here and that’s probably due to the on going stress I’m accruing in my life. Work seems to be affected by how my social life is turning out. Ever since day 1, I’ve had a crazy insecurity that’s probably sabotaged more than one relationship, though, when I confess what I’m feeling, I always get a myriad of responses ranging from “I never knew” to “I could tell.”
int Vagueness() {
The story of this particular insecurity, which has to be unnamed for reasons out of my control, is not anything new and is the reasoning behind many a mass email or emo-blog-entry so I’m sure some of you can guess. I’ve always felt I’ve done my honest part in being true to the people around me and truly believed that they could see through the blunt, callous and sometimes downright cold opinions I express for what they really are: Concern.
I argue with myself sometimes about being how I am, but I can’t shake the feeling that lying to those that matter for “their sake” is anything but helpful. Of course, there are always exceptions but so far, 8 times out of 10, I regret not speaking my mind in fear that my intentions are misinterpreted and the results always come to bite me in the ass. This isn’t to say that honesty is always the best policy because the prizes that my words reap are only now showing. It sucks. I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming, but I at least hoped there would be less guess work involved.
Still, the bad returns don’t outweigh the good so I’ll still always fight the urge to take the hit and continue to bite the bullet when I have to. As the modified saying goes, “When nothing good is risked, nothing great is gained.” When all is said and done, if I can sleep at night, I’m ok with what I did and I’m not sorry.
..aww, fuck-it.
return 2/0;
}
Tags: Stress, Vague-Stress
May 20th, 2008 at 8:14 am
I smiled when I read this entry. I’ll respond to it in person.