Hypothetically Sick

Right, so this picture has nothing to do with anything. I just can’t stop laughing at it.. I guess you had to be there.

I was reading today and came across the question: “If you were a criminal, what kind of criminal would you like to be?”

This is a very different question from “If you were a criminal, what kind of criminal would you be?” Did you spot the difference? The first asks what kind of criminal you’d “like” to be. This is a way more interesting question because it totally gives you the right to be something completely different, out of character, or down right disgusting.

So, what kind of criminal would I like to be? I’d like to be a Gas Station. Ha-ha! I’m so clever. I think I’d try out being a high stakes theif. I’d be a terrible one, but the benifits are too good. You work one job, are filthy freakin’ rich forever, or at least for a long time before you have to do anything again. How sweet is that? I suppose on the “fun” scale, this wouldn’t rank too high.

One of the responses that I read on the page were “sex offender” lol. Why do I “lol” you ask? Not because commiting heinous crimes is hilarious, but because my mind doesn’t immediately go to the proper definition of “sex offender” in this case. My mind thinks “sex offender – a person who will sexually offend you.” That’s right. If I were a Sex Offender, I’d be the one hitting on you, getting you in the sack, then saying you were terrible at it, during said sexy act. Or, I’d walk up to people and just randomly insult their sexual competence. I’d even have a commercial, or possibly a slogan like “Sexually Offensive since 1994.”

On a tangent, as if this post isn’t tangent enough already, today, I laughed for about 20 minutes about “Poopsmear.” Why? Simple. Because Popfly yields Papfly which gives Papsmear and thus Poopsmear. Elementry, my dear Watsons. This phrase was also accompanied by a very detailed drawing of a duck grinding its ass on the floor, with a trailing green poop-smear behind it, complete with duck poo-foot-prints and labels. Oh did I mention this was on a public white board?

Stay young at heart my friends. That’s the only way to fend off Syphillus.