Einraged. Incredibly einraged.

The situation: I sit near the door in my cubicle at work. The receptionist door is about a 30 second walk away, so every once in a while i’ll get someone douche bag enough who thinks they’re important enough to interrupt whateaver work a stranger (me) is doing, to make me get up and let their fuck hole asses in. Usually, this isn’t a large problem, even though they could turn around and waddle to get a guest pass for the day, because really it’s only 10 seconds out of my day and the only annoying part is that it breaks my train of thought.

Today, however, crazy-stupid-bitch-whore-dingy-cunt-cotton-swab woman knocks on the door. I’m coding. I’m busy and deep in my train of thought. She knocks yet again, harder.. and again! So i finally get up to let her in, obviously disgrunted, and to make it worse, as i get there she is in mid motion of taking out her security card to unlock the door. What the fuck, whore. Stupid woman was fumbling with her [name brand] purse in one hand and a stupid chocolate milk in the other. GAWD.

I’ve made plans to fuck with her mind hide her keyboard/unplug her shit tonight.

Oh. I only used blackula because “fuck you coworker” sounds less hateful.

So that’s the understatement of the century. Everything is different: noses, mouths, eyes. I even have to be careful how i shade you.. because it could come out looking like a freaking beard. I will try harder next time.

(read: your bits and pieces are much too hard, lol)

My thoughts go out to your family and friends. I only knew you briefly, good sir, and it’s a shame I didn’t get a chance to to know you well. Your friends loved you a lot and will carry your memory on.

Busted out the tablet again and started to sketch a friend. Something is wrong with this one.. oh well, hopefully #2 will look closer. I’ve always had trouble drawing real people. Cartoon versions of feces and/or objects.. sure. Cartoon people? Say hello to disproportionate body parts.

Note: not my pants.

There’s a simple recipe that I’ve perfected since living on my own that I’d like to share with you all. It probably differs slightly from person to person, but I have a 3 step process that will take you from cranky to calm quite quickly:

1. Go to one’s favourite spot (mine happens to be my bed) in the house to relax.
2. Immediately disrobe until all that is left is one’s underwear (preferable boxers) and undershirt (white, tag-less). *
3. Inhale deeply, and exhale making an audible “aaaaauuugghhh” noise.

* If you don’t own a pair of men’s boxers and/or undershirt, you may substitute with nudity or sliced bread.

Sadly, the only caveat to my plan for a successful comforting of one’s self, is the fact that it requires me to be at home doing nothing. I wish it were more like Instant Noodles where I could just douse myself with a cup of hot water and I’d feel at ease. I guess even if that were the case, not only would my roomie find me even more extremely weird, but my coworkers wouldn’t appreciate a half naked, wet guy groaning throughout the day.

D’oh.

Oh, mine was much less fancy than this. Google images made this particular meal.

Alright, so this isn’t officially the first meal I’ve cooked on my own, but it is the first meal I’ve cooked on my own from scratch in this apartment. You’d think because of my ethnicity and 100% solidarity when choosing “asian” in the age old, slightly racist, meal time question “white or asian?” I’d make something like beef and broccolli, or sweet and sour pork.. pho even.

But, I did not. I made fried fish. Romo, you’re not the only Pilipinong up in this hizouse.

Sadly, it wasn’t ultra flip fish, just salmon. And rice. Setting off the fire alarm was also like having a poorly DJ’d party in my kitchen. Still, so good in my belleh.