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Hi, my name is Will.

The Image: Halloween, 2010. Big Island, Hawaii.

Seems like I’ve done it again, though I’m not complaining. The last 30 days has been interesting to say the least when it comes to my life. I was doing the relationship thing for the first time.. ever really. While I don’t think my past experience has really been negligible in this area, it was definitely a new experience.

For what seemed like ages, I felt I’d lost myself. The happy go lucky guy was there on the surface but I’d lost touch with reality a bit because I felt that I was doing was was necessary to grow and make my life, among other things, better. I’d forgotten what it meant for myself to be me. However, in true form, the realization that I was unhappy came to me in an awkward moment but when it hit, the thought felt heavier than a bag of bricks being flung at my head and I couldn’t ignore it. Unfortunately, the following 24 hours changed my life in a way I was not ready for.

Had it not been for the incredible support of my family and friends, I really do think I would have lost control and become something sad and a shell of what I used to be. In the past I’d always felt I was unable to become attached to anyone but I was never closed off to the idea. So I decided until that time came, I would work at my job, be a son and brother when it was family time, and I be a *good friend to my friends. The day came when I found myself intertwined with another, and I was relieved. For the first time, I’d felt like more than just me. So when things came to a crashing halt, shutting down my heart and letting my head take over was incredibly difficult for all the obvious reasons.

Anyways, for reasons that are my own, I’ll have to skip over these details until another night because I understand what it is not to push someone to do something they’re not ready to do. What I can say is that my family is everything to me, and I love them. And my friends, they are the family I have chosen for myself. So after everything, I may have some insight to what Love is to me right now. I’d define it as being able to put yourself aside for another and being patient when everything in your body screams for you to do the opposite. Actually, it’s probably more simple than that. Love is a selfless action. Everything else is a by-product. Fluff.. good fluff, but still fluff.

While I would never have chosen for the sequence of events to unfold the way that they did had a choice been given (life never seems to happen like that), I don’t regret how things turned out either. I was myself for the most part, as I’ve always tried to be, but had my vision momentarily clouded by my naivety. In the end, when faced with an incredibly harsh situation, I reacted how I always thought I would in my hypothetical scenarios and I’m happy about that. So now, all that there is left to do is to keep rolling; And I rock at rollin’.

PS. Not cocky. Just confident :P

*We all know what I think is right isn’t always the case. I’m just thankful that my friends have been able to see my intentions over my actions in the wake of my reactions. Thanks y’all: